I have always been aftaid of artificial intelligence, but now that Matthew McConaughey is on the case, everything will be alright, alright, alright.

My childhood was watching Friends re-runs all of the time. Those characters were so special, and so was Matthew Perry. Gone way too soon, but thank you for the laughs. You will be missed.

Dude couldn't dodge a wrench, much less a bullet.

The new House Speaker thinks hurricans are caused by gay sex.

Now, those are some power bottoms.

So what are the gun laws in Maine?

There are no gun laws in Maine.

Mike Johnson? Sounds made up.

Since coming back to twitter, I only read tweets from Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce fan accounts.

I heard Mitch McConnell froze again. Are we sure he hasn't been a robot this whole time and someone keeps turning him on and off?

Tattoo? More like an assault.

The original Israel-Palestinian debate has always made me laugh. Ya'll are fighting over dirt.

They say kids are resilient, but they aren't. We just become alcoholics later.

While Biden is leading on the world stage, Republicans are struggling to find which racist that is going to drive their clown car.

To Benjamin Netanyahu if you someone kills your children, you don't go and kill their children. And I think everyone can agree with that.

Who would have thought after all of these years, the person who understand the world's military war industrial complex was the fat girl from the Dixie Chicks.

I just don't know what bombing Gaza actually proves.

That's also how Tommy Tuberville's football teams played in 4th quarters.

It's so sad, we have all of these billionaires, and none of them have become Batman.

So Speaker Hakeem Jeffries has a nice ring to it.

The whole school choice movement is just about taking tax payer money from the education budget to build high school football stadiums for private schools #GOPDebate

Florida is one of the most dangerous states in the country #GOPDebate