This is how you look when you twerk.

This cracks me up every time

Do you add the children before or after the jam?

Dear kids, when I was your age and found one of these under the couch it almost certainly was not going to be Bambi.

My son said Twitter is where old people go to pretend they’re cool so congratulations everybody.

Sorry I’m late my hoodie strings weren’t even.

That woman’s look at the 19 second mark got me 💀

4-year-old was saying good night before bed and she said “I love you Mama you’re the most beautiful princess in the world,” and then turned to her dad and said “You’re the butler.” She gets it.

Beautiful sunset at Belhaven. 💖

If only I had used my vagina more for evil.

hey boy are you the eclipse because i thought you were a big deal but then you only lasted 4 minutes

The “what do you notice about this” tweets… 🙄

This place used to be fun.
Why tf am I even still here?

☠️

I keep glimpsing tweets suggesting 'don't look directly at it' and I'm just assuming you're talking about your arsehole.

She has a fucking horribly sad O-face! 😂

Put camera up at home to see what the dog does while I'm working. Wife clearly forgot about it, I took a gander one day and she was video chatting with a bloke who was remotely controlling the vibrator inside her. Divorced now. Only wanted to see the dog do something funny.

Live, laugh, lube is the old fist, shits giggles.

Fact 1: P*rnhub claimed to review every video before upload.

Fact 2: A 12 year old boy was drugged and overpowered and raped in 23 videos sold on the site.

Fact 3: P*rnhub “verified” the rapist named Rocky Shay Franklin and monetized the rape videos.

Fact 4: A number of the…