Today is GLSEN’s #DayOfNoSilence — a national day of action pushing back against the
silencing of LGBTQ+ youth and the erasure of their experiences.
Join me and #RiseUp4LGBTQ youth! → glsen.org/DayOfNoSilence

Thanks so much to Tig for letting me tweet for her! Keep an eye out for my new book, 'Life Wants You Dead: A Calm, Rational and Totally Legit Guide to Scaring Yourself Safe'. (t.ly/rVJzH) I think comedy fans will dig it

I’m living raincheck to raincheck.

Most of my grudges are against tables I’ve bumped into.

Sometimes I think my friends keep me around because I’m the one the mosquitos bite.

I only read books outside where I get credit for it.

I could never betray my phone by ordering a newer one on it.

My therapist just asked if it’s okay to tell that one on his podcast.

Poking the body is an important part of the grieving process.

After midnight, ATMs should cut out the middleman and dispense the cash equivalent in drugs.

Today on Handsome Podcast, Lisa Kudrow asks about being in the mood to perform! Listen wherever you get your podcasts, watch on YouTube, and let us know your favorite Lisa Kudrow performance in the comments!

TRAVEL TIP: You can be detained at the airport for bringing more than 3 ounces of fluid in your body.

You know, you can learn a lot about a person by putting a tracking device on their car.

Neighborhood watches are comprised of the neighbors who most need to be watched.

You never know who your real friends are until you stop paying them to hang out.

Fartle (noun): A fart that startles.

Penetration is the sincerest form of splattery.

Dancing is your skeleton trying to get out.

Never listen to the haters or the spouses making valid points.

My dad used to spank me, because he didn't want to shell out for a drum. We made beautiful music together.