I take CTA to any place I don’t really want to go to so I have an excuse to be extremely late

We are living in hell

My Spotify Daylight today was called You’ll Never Own Property Friday Afternoon

My favorite thing about being a White Sox fan is they have the coolest celebrities throw out the first pitch and nobody is ever there. Bridgeport is the last place to see Simone Biles in front of less than 2000 people

Does anybody have a Ryan Garcia stream?

God is working overtime to save Indiana. He gave them a total eclipse & Caitlin Clark in the same month

If you want to protest and block traffic at the airport you’re never allowed ask anybody for a ride to the airport ever again.

The great American pastime: putting enough gas in your tank to get to the cheaper gas station

Every time I walk through an alley I tell myself I’m only doing it because it’s a shortcut, but I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t say I was also looking for treasures

None of the guys who liked this post could sell a single ticket either.

Legendary

Midwest homophobia crazy. You don’t understand pronouns, but you understand euchre?

I know baseball is an American sport because one of the stats is called war.

Whenever I travel I tell people I live in a city 45 minutes outside of Naperville. It’s really not that hard to be honest guys

Harm to Table

Of course he’s guilty of being a groomer. His legal name is Sean Combs. I’m waiting for men to come forward with Olivia Wilde allegations. Her real last name is Cockburn.

A D2 guy dropped 10 threes for Oakland. As a former D3 guy I’m rock hard

I love when CBS cuts to the bench during March Madness and it’s just 5 white guys with mustaches

I used to listen to the saddest music every morning on the bus to high school in my $7 Skull Candy headphones from Marshall’s. What a VIBE

When I lived in Dublin, I worked as a pub crawl tour guide. I was only there a few weeks when I started so I made up historical significance for each bar I took tourists to. SomeGerman family thinks St Patrick was drinking a pint on Grafton St when he banished snakes from Ireland