When you're cleaning your car and the neighbour says you can do mine next

“Can’t even tell the bird to go up Iceland anymore because of woke!”

It's OK guys, Princess Anne is in a stable condition

Not all heroes wear capes...well maybe a tin foil one when he finishes

Whoever smelt it, dealt it

Maybe, if I drink enough tequila

I'm off to an event this afternoon which has free tequila....its been nice knowing you lot.

He's gaslighting them

Fuck sake

'Phil my pie'

I'm not sure my nerves can handle the football tonight