Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969 )

Uncle Duke

Bio Does this look infected?
Tweets 136,1K
Followers 60,9K
Following 765
Account created 13-04-2010 13:32:12
ID 132521439

iPhone : when you think about it, if you say you’re into chests and booty instead of tits an ass, you’ll feel less like a pervert and more like a pirate

iPhone : My dad is helping me stain my deck and has not stopped complaining.
He’s hot he’s tired he’s hungry he’s thirsty his arm hurts how much longer this is so unfair all his friends are golfing
and I’m ready to just give him $20 and tell him to go.

Well played, dad.
Well. Played.

iPhone : [Work Meeting]
I give a knowing glance to Janene. She catches my eye and winks back. Someone just said "less" instead of "fewer". We're not allowed to point it out anymore, but we know. We are the word nerds.

iPhone : One of my daughters moved back to college and I cried all morning. She said don’t worry...she will always wear a mask, avoid crowds, and only party early in the day since the bars have a mandatory curfew now.

This was meant to make me feel better but it only made me jealous.

iPhone : Kids in 2040 learning about 2020

  • Start Video

iPhone : Me: Happy birthday

Son: I can’t believe I’m finally a teenager

Me: Yep. You’re really growing up

Son: So, does this mean...

Me: No more Marlboro Lights for you. It’s reds from here on out

iPhone : The mysterious closet under the basement stairs...
I opened it.
I quickly closed it.

Apparently we have a spider storage closet.
And it’s full.