Just drank straight from the drinking fountain at my work the old-fashioned way. Literally felt like a woolly mammoth partaking at a watering hole and was so scared someone would walk up and see me.

My teen is taking the SAT today. As we were walking out the door, I asked her if she needed a special pencil. She looked at me and said We take it on computers. The air hung quiet between us. Oh I said. Huh I said. It’s the first year she added If it makes you feel any better.

Years ago when I was in my early 20s, my mom had a few drinks in her and broke down crying that she was so tired of being the only one who cared about everything. We chuckled awkwardly at the time. Now, I get it.

It's nice when you have two kids but one of your kids is away at camp all week so you get a little break, but then the one kid you have home acts like a hellion hopped up on Pixy Stix.

I have bad news for all the kids saying skibidi toilet and thinking they're so cool and will always be cool. We said the same shit basically except it was 'T.P. for my bunghole.'

Naked and Afraid but it's just me running out of pantyliners while traveling.

Sometimes I wonder: Does my social media know too much about me? Then it shows me an ad for a stylish young blond woman using a fancy tool on her hair and it's like no. No it doesn't.

Guys, I found him. The one with the biggest wiener in all the land.

I'm just really glad as a parent that April Fools Day fell directly after Easter this year. Because there's nothing like waking up to 'Mom, the toilet is smoking' (a toilet paper roll cigarette) after a day of kids hyped up on too much sugar losing their shit.

All these racist Beyonce haters are why Beyonce had to do the country album.

Breaking Easter plot twist, folks. Brittany is gay? Is this their legit TikTok account? 🏳️‍🌈 #AbbyandBrittanyHensel

When my husband and I stay up late now, it's because we've been sucked in by an episode of Dateline.

So much fresh newness....🌲😬

I didn't know this woman at the laboratory was a comedian, but she just asked me at 3 p.m. if I'd had anything to eat that day besides water.

Guys, my husband said he saw my post but didn't leave a reaction. 15 years of marriage was a pretty good run, right?

I don't know about ghosts, but all mothers are haunted by a chorus of 'moms' in surround sound wherever we go.

I'm a bit of a germaphobe, but I am absolutely taking my shoes off on the doctor's scale.

I texted my daughter's friend's dad for the first time so that we can arrange playdates. I thought I was sending a regular smiley face after my hello, but it was actually the moving, blushing smiley one. If you need me, I'll be hiding 6 feet under.

My 14yo not only told me she didn’t like her name, but presented me with a list of alternate names she would have preferred, so good luck expecting parents!

Who else missed their alarm and woke up at 7:42 this first school and work day after DST and was like oh,f$$@*&*&#©%√✓}¥?!