This is all very Narcissus and Echo.

Just to add to this: Prometheus didn’t steal the divine fire and give it to humankind just for you to worship a new God in capitalism and make a cult of billionaires.

Sisyphus *walking away for the millionth time, thinking he has FINALLY managed to push the giant rock to the top of the hill*: Finally, I can-

Giant rock:

Odin: *visits Olympus*

Zeus: so what did you think?

Odin: this is complete and utter mayhem, only pandemonium can reign here.

Zeus *beams*: thank you, I do try.

Ares: The ONLY emotion I allow myself to ever feel is ANGER. Because I am a badass.

Hermes: you cried over the cuteness of two stray kittens yesterday.

Aphrodite: then you cried harder when Zeus wouldn’t make cats immortal.

Artemis: and then you sent us 800 cute kitten photos

Athena: if you think about it, time doesn’t mean anything, and we just make it important to feel a sense of control. We are immortal, this is all an abstraction. So why worry about what happened in the past.

Zeus: Athena.

Athena *sighs*: yes, I punched Poseidon five minutes ago

How to pronounce some of the Greek god and goddesses names:

Apollo: uh-po-low
Artemis: ahr-tah-miss
Poseidon: puh-sigh-done
Aphrodite: af-ruh-dahy-tee
Ares: air-eez
Hera: hair-aa
Zeus: dick-head

Aphrodite: what is the WORST thing Zeus has disguised himself as to harass women? Was it the bull, the golden rain, the swan-

Artemis: Henry the VIIIth. His worst disguise ever was definitely Henry the VIIIth.

No one:

Absolutely no one:

Zeus:

Zeus *to newborn Dionysus*: I’m going to make you the God of Wine.

Athena: he’s a baby.

Zeus: what’s your point.

Athena: babies don’t- nevermind, father of the year, carry on.

Zeus: thank you. *looks back at newborn Dionysus* wine AND madness.

Athena: 🙄

Demeter every year when Persephone leaves for the Underworld:

Patroclus: where are you going?

Achilles: Agamemnon and I had a fight and he took Briseis, so I’m going to go into my tent, put on Netflix, become a blanket burrito and sulk.

Patroclus: there is a whole war on.

Achilles: don’t care.

Patroclus:

Hades: I think I may have done a bad thing.

Zeus: you mean by kidnapping Persephone.

Hades: Can you just tell me how to get out of this mess please

Zeus: well, when *I* need to get out of a mess, I just make a bigger mess to distract everyone so the first one disappears.

Patroclus: *stubs his toe on a doorframe*

Achilles: *burns the whole neighbourhood to the ground*

Persephone: *casually* You’re a bit late today.

Hades: Yes. I’m the God of the Underworld. It’s a hard job okay?!

Persephone: *raises eyebrow*

Hades: *sighs* so there was a puppy and I stopped to give him treats.

Hades the first time he ever saw Persephone:

“Not all men-“

You’re absolutely right, Hephaestus, God of blacksmiths, artisans and sculptors would NEVER treat me like this.

Zeus: great white sharks and tigers are proof that one must be large to be a predator and stay at the very top of the food chain.

Artemis: big talk from a huge dude who is terrified of his tiny wife.

An accurate summary of Hera and Dionysus’ relationship.

Hermes: One thing bothers me.

Apollo: what’s that?

Hermes: well, where did all the fuckbois come from? Is there a fuckfather out there somewhere?

Zeus *enters looking disheveled* YOU HAVE TO HIDE ME, HERA FOUND OUT ABOUT EUROPA.

Hermes: Nevermind. Found him.