My niece came over and said “your tree is so small,” and now I know how men feel.

Some of you will not be getting laid this Christmas, and it shows...

I am some of you...

Christmas shopping tip: take a picture of your wife’s side of the bathroom and then go to a beauty shop and ask “got any of this shit?”

We’ve reached the “everyone just gets a gift card” part of Christmas shopping.

I found my Christmas Spirit .... It's been on aisle 2 at this liquor store the whole time.

My 9yo at Christmas time is so much fun because we get to hear renditions of Christmas songs like Silent Fart, Farting Around the Christmas Tree, and my personal favorite, Frosty the Fartman.

moon & clouds.

Please

Be the reason gift exchanges are not allowed on company property anymore

I thought about getting you guys a present. And that's the main thing

Do you think Santa has been nice enough to deserve Mrs. Clause on his lap this year?

😂😂😂

[Person about to invent vaping] I wish this mango smoothie was on fire.

Husband: *choking on a Dorito*

Me: Wait. When did we get Doritos?