Zlatan Ibrahimovic can climb waterfalls..

Zlatan Ibrahimovic can touch a bottomless pit

Santa actually gives everyone presents. It's just that Zlatan Ibrahimovic pounds some of them into coal.

To prevent air pollution and save energy, Zlatan Ibrahimovic swallows smoldering coal and then eat raw fish to cook it inside his stomach.

If Zlatan Ibrahimovic ever dies, the US military will honor him with a 21-nuke salute, on France, just like he always wanted.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic's keyboard has the Any key.

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Zlatan Ibrahimovic. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic wields a freight train like nunZlatans.

Gordon Ramsay said that Zlatan Ibrahimovic' peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are outstanding and suitable for 5 star gourmet restaurants.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic CAN CUT THE PERFECT SLICE OF CAKE WITHOUT MESSING A SINGLE CRUMB, USING ONLY A BASEBALL BAT.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic once beat Bobby Fischer at chess in a single move. That move was a roundhouse kick. That's why Fisher went crazy and died at the same age as the squares on a chessboard.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic once beat Ricky Gervais in a British accent impersonation contest.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic can capitalize a number.

Death Once Had A Near Zlatan Ibrahimovic Experience

Zlatan Ibrahimovic takes no prisoners -- they're dead before they have a chance to surrender.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic doesn't moisturize. Zlatan Ibrahimovic waterboards.

The Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy is loosely based on Zlatan Ibrahimovic' prepubescent days.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic recently drank a large glass of liquid Ebola, then state that anyone who is scared of it is a total pussy.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic once wore a pair of Lee Dungarees. He busted them

Zlatan Ibrahimovic never lets pussy get away from him.