Uh

lmao imagine being shot by the taliban for advocating for girls education and continuing to advocate after a literal assassination attempt for people who think a tweet counts as meaningful activism to shit on you

You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

idk who needs to hear this but if you’re telling PDs “man i agree with you! i’m a good guy! i wish i had discretion to agree with you openly! i’m sure you’ll win because you’re SO right!” you are not - in fact - the good guy.

You have to fuck up on a truly historic level to get the NYPD to say “even we think these were meaningless arrests.” They love meaningless arrests!

Sad! This Woman Achieved Everything She Aspired to and Now She Has to Do It Forever: ow.ly/BBcn50RhEGy

I gotta say I’ve been a member of the public for almost 30 years and not once has a child in public significantly inconvenienced me in any way. Maybe I’m just built different idk

Reading New York convictions off my clients’ records is always confusing. Why do you guys use both class AND degree to describe charges? How does anyone keep track? Couldn’t be me

Brian Johnson won’t see your tweet, but your friends who are also best described as blank will

I’d be really easy to frame for a crime because this job has convinced me I’d take a good plea offer even if I was innocent. I’m too risk averse! This system sucks!

Me, as an attorney: it's so annoying when people ignore my professional advice, like why did you even ask me

Me, to my doctor: yeah ok thank u, but I will not be changing my life shortening habits

where did musk find this lawyer lmao

When I can make the characters kiss

I want to meet someone from this suggested group

Why yes I do!

Currently at a Sweet 16 and I’m happy to report that teenage party music has not changed at all since 2010

O.J. making it into criminal Heaven but civil Hell.