this is what being retarded feels like

if you find a large wooden horse at your doorstep make sure to let it in

On All Fours

easily influenced and loved by all

Me: *escorting blindfolded date* ok take it off now😃

Her: OMG, can’t wait🤭*removes it*Oh. It’s the 8th circle of hell reserved—

Me: —for those who’ve committed simple fraud! Couldn’t get a reservation at Lust so🤷‍♂️

Her:*eyeing me suspiciously*Your profile said you were 6’2

i just caught 127 fish but i’m staying humble about it

befriending my gangstalkers

i am the world’s most hated girl

chips and guac i’m drunkkkkkk

Most people are having easy and fun lives while you in particular can’t seem to figure it out

First words of my erotic fantasy novel entitled “The Rogue Who Loved Me”

Act 1: The Merchant’s Hubris

𝓐shes fell like rain

need a mighty steed and some top

still have all my notes from those watches…..

can the she/they djs pipe down i’m trying to get big

i’m a good boy on the track no cussing

reading the lego orchid instruction book on the tram and nodding my head emphatically whenever a new piece is introduced

today is a beautiful day to smell like roses and have severely damaged hair