Does Storm know she doesn’t have to give a speech in order to use her powers?

I hope this email finds you-

Waldo: *slams laptop shut* holy fuck that was close

What’s the serial killer recipe for ice cream lol

1. Get a bowl
2. Fill it with ice cream
3. Serial kill?

*catching up with an old friend* how have you been. Do you still like Sunny Delight?

Rub a dub dub don’t worry bout what they’re doin in the tub

If you live in a country with universal healthcare Breaking Bad isn’t going to make sense

You miss 100% of the shots you do take.
- Storm Troopers

I sure listen to a lot of bad bitch anthems for someone who apologizes for bumping into furniture and cries at commercials.

standing over the sink eating leftovers with my dad like we are two bears that just broke into someones home

klingon

*two claps*

klingoff

I would be a super chill ghost. About to leave the house without your wallet? I got you

middle earth: mordor

jack: more door

rose: nope

Here are the top 5 times:

1. 7:32pm (indisputably the best time)
2. 2:44pm (has its critics but an all-round excellent time)
3. 9:51pm (not too early, not too late)
4. 3:07am (chances of being required to attend a meeting at 3:07am? Low)
5. 11:38am (the connoisseur's lunch time)

charging people an arm & a leg is a terrible business model. how do you expect to get repeat customers if now they can’t drive, order rideshare, or even hail a cab

wifi really is everywhere, man. kids are living in a world of endless possibilities. wireless everything. babies don’t even have umbilical cords anymore

crippling anxiety

forgot to leave a plate of dirt out for earth last night.

imagine having financing options in the 1600's. just buying a big fucken ship and being like 'yeah, i promise to pay 20 pigs per month for 72 months, i swear' then going off on an adventure and dying at sea. a true vibe

i like how you can throw pretty much any metal song over this and it works

Earth day is just a made up holiday to sell more planets.