They should bury him in a coffin that’s a little too small.

In honor of the eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Some guy in Brooklyn yesterday: “There’ll be an earthquake before the Mets win one!”

NYC on April 1st: your rent is 6000 and the trains don’t work haha.
NYC every other day: some trains work.

You: Kate Middleton is missing!
Me: (skipping stones) Buddy, Kate Middleton never existed.

Let Pacino host the Oscars. It’ll be 28 minutes.

I hope I get this kind of dementia.

Mike Johnson looking like Biden is winning him over.

Did he pet a rabbit too hard?

Sal with the receipts!

Unremarkable stayaround

They gave you Gervais, dude.

Yeeshys

I was offline for a while. Did anyone do Jokas?

Watch if you haven’t

What’s he playing, a spider-hole realtor?

I thought Jon Stewart was funny.

Trump cleverly disguised his cognitive decline by being stupid from the jump.

Usher and Alicia Keys sitting on my shoulders while I make a decision.

I hope Taylor Swift has Fauci in her suite.