Just walked past some new flats with sign: ‘Elegant living for the over 55’s’. I’m 55, not dead. It’s bad enough hitting a new age bracket on forms, 55 til dead. I do not want elegant living. Off out to throw a telly out a hotel window.

When you have a tulip vase you don’t need much else. Oh, a dog. You need a dog.

Cally Beaton Namaste Motherf**kers podcast 🙏 Helen Lederer Comedy Women In Print Auddy Another great listen 🙏

To my friends I call my therapist Yoda. Today as I was leaving I said: see you next week, Yoda. And then I saw fit to add that I didn’t meant to call her Yoda & she doesn’t even look much like Yoda. Still, not as bad as mate who ran into her therapist at a nude spa.

Coinciding with the launch of her memoir ‘Not that I’m Bitter’ loved chatting with Helen Lederer about everything from Big Brother to Billy Connolly 🎙️OUT NOW! Search ‘Namaste Motherf**kers podcast’ or click: podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/nam… 🎧 🙏🏻 Comedy Women In Print Auddy #comedy #podcast

F-ed back up doing something stupid. When I lay down on foam roller Jeff thought I was dead & wouldn’t stop trying to save me. Have had to fold him into rehab 🐶 🙏🏻

Jeff just tried to take on a police dog. It was a shit police dog because it didn’t find my weed.

Just another pile of blankets. Nothing to see here.

In 1956 a student faked being an Olympian torchbearer by means of wooden chair leg & pair of his burning underpants. Let’s menopausal women go to Paris, set our massive pants alight & let them burn for days as people toast marshmallows & play Boules & drink Ricard in their glow.

No cause for alarm.

It’s so sweet that he lies at my feet in his basket to help me write. And then I stare at him and take pictures of how cute he is and don’t write.

I wonder when Vivaldi wrote The Four Seasons in the 1720s whether he knew that 300 years later we’d be getting them all the same day.

This is a dog who has never been rewarded for begging (I am eating an iced bun) and for whom Einstein’s definition of insanity was invented.

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I am not a cat lady.
I am not a cat lady.

While I’ve been with Dad at the hospital, Jeff’s been having a picnic with his friends.

There should be a midlife dating show that takes place in a hospital outpatient department - nothing but people my age accompanying people my parents’ age for scans and scopes and wotnot. There’s something in the air. Can’t be 100% sure it’s romance.