a 90s rom com where the nerdy girl takes off her glasses to become sexy but it's a girl putting ON her glasses to be sexier

Smoking weed in the late 90s early 00s was a nightmare bc every song had a fucken cop siren in it

The people today misusing the word Orwellian were the same people in the 90s fucking up Kafkaesque.

Still pretty impressed by how maturely we all handled the “Got Milk?” campaign in the 90’s.

*007 but played by Tony Soprano*

Alright already. The names Bond. James Bond. Can you believe this fuckin' guy over here with all these questions.

If y'all think I don't get tired of being the stereotypical angry fat girl trying to fight against unrealistic beauty standards, you're wrong. It's exhausting. It drains me. Makes me doubt myself. Congrats to the haters. Your tiny voices drowned out everyone else today. ✌️

Interviewer: So what inspired you to write Rock the Boat?

The Hues Corporation: Well in about 50 years there will be a movie about a guy called The Rock and he'll be on a boat.

What do you mean, your besties haven't seen your boobs? Have I been doing it wrong all this time?

Suppressing Enemy Fire, Charlie Brown

I can't sleep naked. It makes me nervous the house will catch fire and I'll be outside naked watching it burn. I only sleep fully clothed. Flannel shirt, cargo pants, tactical socks, the works.

What's an introverts most uncomfortable moment during their birthday party?

All eyes on you while you open gifts?

No.

People yelling 'speech' after you blow out the candles?

Getting warmer.

The 20 seconds of the Happy Birthday song which feels like an eternity?

Bingo.

I somehow bruised my palm and it wasn’t done bitch slapping someone so clearly I have to step up my game.

I’m your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb

Harry Styles sounds like a made-up name that Big Foot would use to sneak into a fashion show.

I subtweeted you, and you liked it... why aren't we exchanging nudes yet?

My brain chose just now to remind me of that time an old boyfriend came over to break up with me, but I had no clue so I greeted him with a blow job... that he let me finish before giving me the news

Alright I had a weirdly gross dream and I want to talk about it, but I don’t want to inflict it upon anyone without the ok

Whomst can I DM and tell them about, volunteer if you dare

A pineapple upside-down cake is just pineapple cake in Australia

Might fuck around and retweet a bunch of horny tweets tonight

Will give dry handy for pizza