This is a family friend. Please rt

HEY! Take a minute to vote for Adrenalin to be the opening act at Audacy's annual We Can Survive concert. While you're there, help us support the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention! 💚

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I can’t remember this joke on quantum physics, it just comes and goes in waves

thought this dog was dissolving

Part of me wants to actually see Oppenheimer. But the other, more correct part wants to piece together the film through memes

Welt, I been on an elegant walk. To the town where my internshit is taking place.

The only reason I like to have company around is to have people to complain to.

you: [lighting up]

me: OW MY FREAKIN EARS

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he's one of the cats.

People say Twitter hasn’t declined but look at the sparkling discourse from just *3* years ago

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

No one in college used real luggage and there you were with your nana’s old American Tourister. The next four years wrote themselves.

I’m gonna do my best to describe american fast food chains from my perspective as a brit 1/?🧵

they told us barbies were for girls and then when we get the barbie movie conservative men and incels want it to be about how cool and strong and necessary they are? ITS NOT FOR YOU. it's not for you. it's quiet time for you. go watch a star war.

In their newest attempt to combat bots and spam, Twitter is getting rid of tweets

if I saw a pikmin irl I would pop one in my mouth

ruin a coworkers day by going up to them and saying “that’s not the flex you think it is” then walk away without explaining