My dad is battling stage 4 cancer and I’m trying to uplift his spirits by spreading his music. This footage was from his benefit concert last week. Any good words or or good vibes are greatly appreciated. Jason Isbell Tedeschi Trucks Band Jonny Lang @rycooder Billy Strings

What's it called when you want to simultaneously want to hug someone and slice them into tiny pieces to feed to the neighbourhood strays?

• SHORT TWEETS TWEET CALL •

Send us tweets that are 10 WORDS OR LESS!

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Ends at 6PM EST. ✨

Judges and tweets below:
Jodi Stands with Tweet ☮️
KJ
Kiss my Fat Ash🍑
nice things I say to myself
jokey lil jokester making my lil jokey jokes
.:RiotGrlErin:.
La Femme Fatali

Where the hell are all the scissors?!

- a parenting memoir

[After sex]

Me: Did you cum?
Her, looking away longingly and recalling a distant memory: Once.

Chairs are pretty great.

You can fight a lion, or sit if you want.

I miss Happy Fun Ball

Mammogram Monday.

Paying to get my boobs crushed like it’s some sort of kink.

I keep wanting to use Twitter more, like I used to.
Then I log in and just want more eyeball bleach

Welcome to your 40s, that mosquito you just saw is actually an eye floater.

Listen Twitter, after several times it’s not an “unexpected error” okay?

Jelly in the streets.
Jammin' in the sheets.

Imagine if penises curled up like a cinnamon roll when they weren't erect

I've been exercising all day...one long plank in my bed.

I put the turd in turducken

If you listened to Episode 1, you might already know the answer to this. 👀

What seven novels did Stephen King write in the 70's, and which one was first?

doofmedia.com/kingslingers2/

#stephenking #stephenking podcast #doofmedia #stephenking nerd #stephenking book #theshining

[when I remove my video doorbell to charge it]]

MURDERER: *rubs hands together maniacally*

Saw the devil at the crossroads. He gave me the roundabout.

Unless your Twitter beef is medium rare with chimichurri sauce, then I ain’t interested in it.

Fire-breathing polar bears are the number one cause of death in Canada.