“That wasn’t me, it was you.” Trump denies farting in court.

Delightful.

This post no longer exists.
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Happy 200k day to my beat up old Astra. I did six laps of Morrisons Bilston car park waiting for the mileage to hit this milestone.
What a time to be alive.

the word for finding the part on a car that needs replacing but you cannot get to it no matter how hard you twist and contort yourself is - fufffffukkkssakebolloxbolloxouchyoumuthaffffffukssssss.

write that down.

See that box?
That's my box. On stage.

No Karen. It's not like living in North Korea.

Emblazoned? W T . . . .

Running the marathon with a fridge on your back is a breeze compared to running with it on your front.

Last ever The Now Show.

seeing ad listings for sequencers that include parts they bought off of me .
#SmallMomentsOfJoy

Okay, mate.

*rubs temples*

Paul McCartney - Why Don't We Do It in the Road?
Me - Gravel.

BREAKING: Local man who does not like 'women with tattoos', discovers they are not hugely into him either.

thank you for calling the tortured poets department unfortunately we are too listless and consumed with ennui to take your call at the moment, please leave a message and we will print it and release it upon a hilltop and let it float away, clinging to our heart through our coat

Be grateful that Elon Musk doesn't make trousers.