I thought this was a K. Thor Jensen 🐀🐀 t-shirt for a minute.

[year 1021 in a German town called Kölbigk]

Talk about convenient!

gm Off to work at the Idiot Factory

Dolly I'm actually working 8-5, please help.

Good morning, friends! Please welcome Duncan, our new lead guitarist. Come out to Bar 404 on May 11 and you can meet him for yourself!

Spotted in the wild etc. Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ

BOSS: it's national replace H's with F's day
ME: really?
BOSS: yep, you're hired!
ME: hahaha-wait
BOSS: get out
ME: what the huck?

[one of my tweets flops yet again]

media literacy is at an all time low

[1982]
ME: I heard they're coming out with a sequel to Pac-Man!
MIKE TYSON: It's a myth.

🎶 that’s me in the corner

that’s me stuck in the claw machine

please help I’m stuck in the claw machine 🎶

As a former child and someone who knows most of these letters, I approve of this book!

hey guess what i made a book

Come see my band! Maybe smoke a little something?

And Dr. Dre said:

I think it's cool when someone's name also kind of describes how they look. Like Merle HAGGARD or my friend Jimmy Fuckface

The winning lottery numbers are so fucking obvious afterward.

Shoutout all the trans homies if you don't support them you don't deserve happiness 💯

hold up. you're not gonna believe this