Finally caught up with Coronation Street. What a great show. Hope there’s a series 2.

Of course, it’s all the fault of ill people. There’s me thinking that 14 years of the Tories shitting the country into the lavvy was to blame, when all along it was the fucking ill.

In 16 year old news, I’ve finally got round to watching the 2008 HBO miniseries John Adams this week. While trying to avoid spoilers, I will say that it’s very good.

Pete: I was in bed last night, just about to drop off, when suddenly, 'tap, tap, tap' at the bloody window - you know who it was?
Dud: Who?
Pete: Bloody Mark Menzies, all chained up, yelling “Peter, Peter, I’ve got in with bad men and I need £5K out of Petty Cash, please help”

Using ‘personalised’ when referring to apple gear is like saying ‘flat screen’ when referring to TVs. Dead giveaway that he gets his attack lines from the right-wing press. Apple personalise all purchases for free.

Wait until voters hear about this Mark Menzies stuff. That’ll turn the Tory vote round.

‘I’ve copped off with a wrong un and we got that smashed I pretended I’d been kidnapped in order to extract money from a pensioner in the middle of the night, by mistake’

Similarly, I refuse to rule out marrying Salma Hayek.

57 Tory MPs resigned in 24 hours. That’s why he went. Even his mates thought he was an incompetent, corrupt liability. Fuck all to do with cake, you demented shithouse.

Drawn by someone who has clearly never travelled by train to the Yorkshire coast.

The new krautrock-infused synth album Municipio by My Kids is out next week

You need to remain calm, but also absorb this incredible news. B&M have started selling pickled onion flavour Fish & Chips. They’re the most 70s tasting things I’ve had since the actual 70s.

If I lived in London, I’d mainly be voting Sadiq Khan because this Hall woman has clearly been fucking lobotomised.

I know we’re all skint but Middle Child need help. Go see their plays if you can. If you don’t, the tories have won.

2000 years, Pompeii’s been there. And they find a new bit the week after I visit. Fucking typical.