Don’t call me antisocial when you can text it.

No one:
My kid: Mumma, you don’t have to worry about what happened in the kitchen.

This morning, I waved at someone who was waving to a person behind me, and now I'm not leaving my house for the rest of the year.

I can’t believe I used to search for four leaf clover outside my parents house when I was little.

Money spider lands on me: YES!

9yo: Who took my hair tie?

Me: I didn’t.

9yo: I did not ask who didn’t.

Trying my best not to think about how I’ve completely wasted the bank holiday.

Even though if I could go back to the start I’d do it all exactly the same.

I think this guy has just knocked on for Harley

My kids are counting down to the last day of school, and it's making me already eagerly await their first day back at school.

Things kids do when they’re bored:

1. Tell you they’re bored

I’m laid back but will lay forward if necessary.

British people keep thinking it’s Sunday.

I have crossed 40 years of age and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

We were talking about how some men lose their hair with our 10yr old and that being interesting and funny is more important.

“Well daddy isn’t funny.”

“Listen, it’s just so hard to commit right now, especially with all the choices available in this day and age, but I swear one day when the time is right, I can be with you” - me to my unread pile of books

Love how very British this NHS advice is.

I wish the urgent care waiting room wasn't the time and place my 6yo decided to start singing 𝑆𝑒𝑥𝑦 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐼 𝐾𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝐼𝑡 yet here we are

Using a small spoon makes a pudding last longer. Especially when the pudding is large anyway.

My childhood was fairly normal and I still turned out like this.

Have kids so you can truly appreciate time alone.

Just told a person to act his age, but the joke’s on me because he’s 5.