I have worked on eight TV shows that had less episodes than CNN's 'The Vote for Speaker.'

Kevin McCarthy is losing ground. Now, he doesn't have enough votes to send out for pizza.

They're just starting Vote #10 for Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives. You still have time to get a bet down.

I wanted to watch as the House votes to elect its new Speaker but every time I tune over to C-Span, they're just showing reruns.

When I was young, the thing I could never figure out about Santa was how he was bringing me and my friends the Mattel, Wham-O, Hasbro, Milton Bradley and other brand-name toys we asked for. Were the elves in his workshop making illegal knock-offs?

I'm only staying on Twitter to see how long Mr. Musk waits before burning it down for the insurance money.

Remember when people were saying that Stormy Daniels' lawyer Michael Avenatti was the guy who could beat Donald Trump? They were right. He beat him to prison.

Republicans seem to be thinking, 'Maybe we oughta pick candidates who can win an election and also fulfill the duties of the position well instead of just nominating whoever kisses Donald Trump's ass the most.'

I wish the Kroger company would start a 2nd Customer Service Hotline where you could instantly connect with someone to complain about how you can't reach anyone on their 1st Customer Service Hotline.

Effective today, I'm charging all my friends $20 a month for acknowledging that they are who they say they are.

Elon Musk hasn't had control of Twitter for 24 hours and I already feel myself being turned into a bot.

If the January 6 committee wants Trump to show up, they shouldn't send him a subpoena. They should send him a projection of how huge the ratings will be if he testifies on live, prime-time TV.

Today is the best possible day to not be Alex Jones. So far.

The job I want is the one where you work for either political party taking every single thing anyone in the opposition party does and explaining why it's shredding The Constitution, destroying the economy and dooming us all to an unavoidable painful demise. Probably pays great.

If you're a blogger and you think you're putting up a great blog, just remember that you'd get a thousand times more hits if you were teaching how to make pizza or you were a cute young lady doing bikini try-ons.

Rick Caruso is running for Mayor of Los Angeles, bragging about how successful he's been as a real estate magnate. So howcome the mail-in ballot I received yesterday lists him as 'Businessman/Nonprofit Leader?'

I can't wait for this month to be over. I'm spending all my waking hours searching for food with no Pumpkin Spice in it.

The worst thing about gas prices going up is having to listen to everyone talk incessantly about gas prices going up. Second worse is people blaming whoever's in office at the moment that they want to see removed from office. They never blame their guys when it happens.

I don't know if there's an afterlife but if there is, mine will still include daily, unstoppable text messages from my local CVS Pharmacy offering to refill my prescription for that drug I stopped taking three years ago.

The people of Florida are fortunate they have a president who wouldn't think for a second of withholding federal aid to a state that he didn't carry in the last election.