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Bio professional tweeter | these couldn’t possibly be jokes | shut up Location Eh? 🇨🇦 Tweets 2,3K Followers 1,8K Following 428 Account created 11-09-2020 04:40:31 ID 1304278577089634304
iPhone : Pulled my back out by being alive
iPhone : mutual protection for each other’s heart and happiness is just goddamn sexy
iPhone : doctor: are you seeing a psychiatrist?me: [currently sleeping with a shrink] like...professionally?
iPhone : Somehow she knows to hold a little tighter when I'm leaning precariously over an edge that even she can't see.
iPhone : Are laughing boners a thing? I feel like they’re a thing.
iPhone : 1, 2, Freddy's cumming for you.~ Freddy Krueger Sexting
iPhone : Mrs Peacock wanted to kill Mr Body in the Conservatory. But that was just a pipe dream.
iPhone : My 5yo told me he's afraid a Tyrannosaurus Rex is going to come in the night and poop on our roofGotta be honest, I don't know how to comfort him on this one!
iPhone : Yes, I already ate the entire lunch I brought from home and also yes I would like whatever free food is being offered in the break room.
iPhone : Break up with someone you love and focus on twitter, this is more important
iPhone : Can’t break away from those eyes.
iPhone : on the sidelines, seeing her break her own heart.
iPhone : His laugh soothes me.
iPhone : Seven is a terrifying movie, just imagine being married to Gwyneth Paltrow
iPhone : My Twitter password is stronger than my bank password in case you wonder where my priorities lie.
iPhone : I'm sorry I laughed out loud when you said the election was stolen.
iPhone : "Your scars tell a story," I whisper to this burnt tortilla.
iPhone : There is going to be someone who shows up in ways you had only hoped for. Let them
iPhone : Maybe instead of calling me a man hater, men should be less hate-able.
iPhone : life destroys us, but love mends us
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