My childhood stuffed animal was a lion that I named “Furbane.” Literally what a good name

“It looks like a toilet paper roll.” - M on the missing submersible

Me: “I’m getting in the bath.”
M: “Check for the submersible when you are in there.”

“When you Google ‘stepson,’ the first thing that comes up is ‘stepson blink 182 titanic.’” - M

Me: Hopefully it makes him feel emasculated.
H: We can only hope; that’s all we can do from here. You’ve done your part

H, after I argue that the Charmed logo is like a perfect tramp stamp: “I’m going to get like an Usher lyric.”

“I like your nipple placement.” Me when I like another girl’s nipple placement

“I don’t understand any industry outside of the restaurant industry. I don’t know what people do and their titles.” -M

“That would suck to be alive during that trend (molasses).” -me

H: “I’m literally obsessed with depop; it’s such a cute place.”
Me: “You’re gay. It’s not even a place dumbass”
H: “I wanna buy a house here.”

Me: “It’s congenital”
H: “It started in my genitees”

“The thesis statement this week was an equation—strategy over entertainment.” I heard a sports commentator say this on the 6th of May 2023. Probably John Anik

Me: “I can only think of Hannah Montana’s best friend when I see that, and that girl was kind of a frump.”
H: “Kind of!?!?”

“Did I tell you? I just met my new best friend the other day on depop.”

Them: “Why do you wear that necklace all of the time?”
Me: “It’s like a third nipple.”

“How refreshing it is just to tell people about themselves? It’s nice.”

“This is the kind of guy that reports like bread ingredients to the police.” - A

Me: What if we had matching tramp stamps?
Hanna: Wait are we the Hiltons? I feel richer all of a sudden.

“Wow guess what I just found out? Oinkers isn’t a word.”

“Well I could never forget that lack of ability to shake ass.” - Hanna, when an old friend forgot who she was