'And now I will jump over this set of gallows... with my horse and cart'
Medieval Knievel

Christ, arrant, wandered through the desert for 40 days. Although some Bibles say it was Chris Tarrant

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
We're off to

Scottish people are so fantastically low key about EVERYTHING. Here we call carpenters 'joiners'. 'Aye. They just fucking join stuff, like'

Ford Kiernan Gavin Mitchell 🇺🇦 Sanjeev Kohli Mark Cox paul riley Michael Hines Jane McCarry just wanted to say you guys are life savers 👏

Tonight on Channel 5: 'Britanny's Piers'.
Britney Spears takes a jaunt round Northern France's more picturesque sea platforms

How often have I been wrongly delivered a magazine dedicated to paranormal activity? Fortean Times.

If you annoy a bee it will sting you. But if you please a bee it will help you with a minor task like cleaning out a straw from the inside or nibbling away your earwax

Dire Straits were formed in Wandsworth Prison where they known as The Sultans of S Wing

I'm old enough to remember when you could leave your back pint of bread open

I have had 19,276 hot dinners.

It's not that useful as a yardstick if I'm being honest

So it turns out the whole 'cheese & chive' phenomenon was purely alphabet-based

🎶 She gets hungry for a late supper
Then lies down, I can't stop her
Angles her body so I can run things up her
That's why the lady is a ramp 🎶

When Pep Guardiola gives a talk to his team to motivate them, he calls it a “Guardiola Motivational Conversation”

Today’s weather in Scotland is known as “Stornoway Fellatio”, ie blowing a Gael

If you're wondering what my wristband says, it's Wrist Awareness Month

The first subject of the next series of 'Who Do You Think You Are?' is actually going to be Mr Big Stuff

If you watch Bruce Springsteen’s Dancing in the Dark video, you’ll see him pulling a girl out of the crowd to dance with. That girl was a young Yootha Joyce who ended up starring in George & Mildred

Finally they're marketing a chocolate more manly than Yorkie. They're calling it Testoblerone

25 Favourite Tweets of the Week.
thepoke.com/2024/04/05/25-…