Thrilled to announce SIS has been honoured with the prestigious Green School Award from the Department of Education, Guangdong Province! 🌿🏆 Inspired to continue our green journey! #sisrocks #gogeckos #issedu

My doctor just diagnosed me with a severe lack of awareness.

That came out of nowhere.

Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.

He said: 'Dad can't you just use a sponge?'

Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.

The only gift I got for Christmas was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I’m having a hard time dealing with it.

For Christmas, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus.

It's the little things that count.

Just found out the company that produces yardsticks won’t be making them any longer.

What do you call a mute owl?

Anything you like, it doesn’t give a hoot.

When I was young, my parents made me walk the plank.

We couldn't afford a dog.

My wife said that I ruined her birthday..

But I didn’t even know it was her birthday.

There’s only one thing I can’t deal with, and that’s a deck of cards glued together.

I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers!

What are the odds?

Walken in a winter wonder land.

I passed all my courses except for Greek mythology.

That has always been my Achilles’ elbow.

I love going outdoors.

It's much safer than going out windows.

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them

Did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters

I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home all the signs were there.

My therapist told me I can't identify my own emotions.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

If A is for apple and B is for banana, what is C for?

Plastic explosives.

My last apartment only had four-foot high ceilings.

I couldn’t stand living there.