What this place needs is more French horn

The cohesive plasticity of snow is pretty amazing. This was a slow creep and about 12” thick a week or so ago. It’s just thinning in place now.

My therapist suggested to me rather than being mad or hurt about someone to consider their own past issues/trauma that may have caused them to react the way they did. And then, to feel sorry for them. I kinda like that. Ruined my vengeance plans but whatever

In a professional or public setting, if you are with a trans person all it takes is you letting them know you are a safe space, especially in a medical setting. You will immediately notice their change in comfort. It’s that easy. Thank you to those that let us know we are welcome…

Just stick the q-tip in your ear. God has abandoned us.

Phil Hartman was the absolute best.

I think it's cool when someone's name also kind of describes how they look. Like Merle HAGGARD or my friend Jimmy Fuckface

So my dog passed away 5years ago and she always had subscription food, on a recurring card payment, I didn't cancel the payment because I couldn't bear to admit after 16yrs she'd gone, so I donate the food to the local dog charity with a note every month for the doggy's

Being an adult is mostly telling other adults how badly you slept the night before on repeat forever

I like that so far only one person brought up the word “dinery”.

it was a very long time before i realized red lobster wasn’t the upscale dinery my parents led me to believe it was

Whenever I say “I could not dislike you more” I’m definitely lying. I absolutely could dislike you more. My capacity for hate knows no bounds.

the art world doesn’t deserve my work.

Animals are born with a natural camouflage to keep them safe. My pale skin and black and grey tattoos would keep me safe in a pile of newspapers.

I hope someone teaches my ex how to use a toilet brush.

Says the guy who *checks notes* vetoed the legislature’s funding for schools.

Emily Murnane I would rather be single forever than mother a grown ass man alongside literal children

I called my wife 4x from the store to see if we needed a Santa riding a T-Rex inflatable and she never answered so I played it safe

Stop talking about gametes. You didn't even know what a gamete was before like a year ago. Get over yourself

Hey did you know that there are general neutral bathrooms in your own house? Maybe you should record that, you pine cone.