When you search 'Amazon Music', Google offers a helpful link to the Login page, where you can't log in but you can check out some tunes by an Artist named Login.

You love to see it, two of the most valuable companies in the world just pranking the shit out of themselves.

Everything is so expensive now there has never been a better time to have no hobbies or interests. While you are crying about how much your concert tickets cost I am standing perfectly still in my house and smiling

friend: you look like shit what happened

me with a black eye, fat lip, and bloody nose: you should see the other guy. he looks great. not a scratch

They're saying OJ Simpson passed away. Frankly, he's been accused of worse

Your honor my client was yearning for the salty embrace of the sea

In 1997 a theater director headed out to play a twilight round of golf in Carmel. His clubs were found on the 13th tee, and he was never seen again. His wife thinks he staged his own death. My longread on the strange and sad disappearance of Greg Howells: bit.ly/4aJpl9P

FRIEND: You're streaming the dune sequel on your phone while you watch another movie on the tv? I thought you were into Dune 2

ME: I am into Dune 2..

Me: Imagine if every tear was an egg and every time you started crying there was 10-50 broken eggs on you. You leave a funeral and it’s like “crunch crunch crunch” (if the person was beloved).

Genie: That's your wish?

Me: No, we're just talking. Just being Friends right now.

weather is so weird, yesterday it was totally eclipsey outside but today it's not eclipsey, like at all

Why are you as a man protecting your eyes? What do you need to see, other women?

if real life was a tv show. the eclipse would be one of the episodes of it

For real tho I was outside for like 17 seconds before I accidentally looked directly at the sun so I'm just gonna sit the rest of this one out. I'll try it again when I'm older

wearing 3D glasses during the eclipse so the sun’s rays cook my entire brain

ok but tell the sun to stop staring directly at me then

it’s so funny how elon tweeted “the bots better say their prayers” and then spam immediately got 10 times worse

tree: oh no my trunk water!

“delete your account” and what, leave my children NOTHING