“Get out. You promised. Adultery is a sin, Ed.”
“Not again? You always come crawling back.”
“Not this time. I’m going to scrape off my rusted resolve & make it stick.”
“How?”
“With this.”
“A bottle of vodka?”
“WD-40. Now, get out.” #vssdaily #vss365 #turningthephrase

Turned 65, yesterday. I’m not as frisky. I’m feeling old & scared. What’s there to celebrate, one year closer to death?
Then today, I get a text from my doctor. More good news. With great dread & foreboding, I open it. Negative, it says. Happy birthday, Doc. #vssdaily #vss365

“You're too old,” the man said.
The man thought she was a prostitute? She moved her gnarled & arthritic body to a daunting rhythm she hoped was funky & sexy.
“You’re too young for the x-rated version,” she said & limped away, smiling. #vss365 #turningthephrase #vssdaily

He walks into the kitchen, places a hand on the back of my neck, & draws me in for a kiss. I pull back.
“Ed, your hands are covered in honey. My sup made it clear. I can’t be late for work again.”
“Sorry. Want me to lick it off?”
What can I do? Best little bee hubby ever. #Thurds

In a flash & a thunderclap, the alien revealed herself. I took a step back in surprise & shock.

She was an angel. #vss365 #1linewed

A proud soldier walked out of the tent ready for war.

He passed the first battalion. The grunts that conquered the last hill and smoked in jubilation.

He rolled up his sleeves and took up the bucket of clothes, for that was the battle of a support officer.

#satsplat

“All I have left are memories.”
“Memories? They’re nothing but far away shenanigans, faded & yellowed with age.”
“Memories are the bluest flames, Ed. They illuminate the path forward, & on cold hopeless nights like this, they warm the soul.” #vss365 #turningthephrase #Thurds

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kept watching, but your beauty made it impossible for me to turn away.”
“A little admiration of my beauty is okay. Maybe even a little sexy. However, I am special & there are rules.”
“Punishments?”
“Very humiliating ones I’m afraid.” #vss365 #1linewed

You: I’m in pest control. I could probably termite proof this place for the price of my bar tab. Haha.
Her: ?
You: Hell, I’d throw in a gallon of my roach poison too. Saw one showering in the urinal. Haha.
Her: ?
You: I guess that’s a pretty gross image, huh?
Her: ? #vss365

You: It kinda feels like termites got to my foundation & destroyed everything, & my life is crumbling around me, so that I have to build it all back up again, but I'm older & the problems are all different now.
Bartender: Pest control?
You: How’d you guess? #vss365 #1linewed

It all started with that pink fem hat she wanted me to wear.
“You like?” she asked.
“It’s ugly.”
“I knitted it.”
“Sorry.”
“No, not sorry. It has secondary use.”
“Oh?”

Turns out I badly misinterpreted her comment, & I am now a feminist as my hat will attest. #vss365

I could see it through the sepia stare & the way the creases of the photo split her skirt into pantaloons.
Great-great Aunt Cora was a #feminist .
Or maybe it was the hoe in her hand & how her left arm rested on the shoulder of the roommate included in her every picture.
#vss365

“Fate has thrown us together.”
“This is an elevator. Not fate.”
“You are such an onyx.”
“Onyx? Are you dense?”
“A beautiful black onyx.”
“Go on?”
“A smart onyx.”
“Take heed. Go on.'
“A sexy onyx.”
“New red dress. Keep going. Might take a while to reach the top.” #vss365 #vssdaily

“Oh, what a struggle it has been to survive as an authentic non-personality.”
“So what are you?”
“Whatever you want me to be.”
“How is that authentic? You’re just a mimic.”
“An authentic mimic.” #SatSplat #vssdaily #vss365

Oh, the atrocities he had committed, thousands of them, so that the number itself was an atrocity, & here he was, about to commit another.

It seemed so meaningless. #vss365 #1linewed

The raft drifted to a stop.
“Where are we, Ed?”
“A time portal. Right at twilight, it will appear.”
“What is it?”
“Where time sheds its skin & grows a new one. It is vulnerable at this point, & we can travel wherever we want, past or future.” #vss365 #vssdaily #turningthephrase

“Part of me wants to fold in your arms. The other part wants to kick you in the shin & walk.”
“Sorry.”
“Sorry?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“How about I’m sorry for giving you a case of duality anxiety?”
“Okay, I’ll go with that.”
“The hell with it. I’m walking.”
“Oww.” #vss365

I gaze into her dark eyes, a galaxy of gold flecks like tiny stars.

“That’ll be $4.35. That’s the 3rd time you bought the same magazine.”

I feel weightless, feel the pull of her planet.

“It’s my spaceship into your galaxy.”
“Yeah?”

A perfect landing. #vss365 #Satsplat

His evil was boundless. I became indifferent to the torment. Like a constant incurable pain I had to endure, it was part of my life. Then I met Jo, who dulled the pain & gave me glimpses of life without it.

That’s when the torment became unbearable. #vss365 #turningthephrase

“The pirate’s late.”
“We don’t need him & his lyrical threads.”
“He’s the star.”
“I can replace him. My wit is as sharp as a cutlass, & my stories are just as lyrical.”
“You’re the parrot.”
“Aye, mate.”
“Can you swear?”
“Learned from the best.” #vss365 #Thurds #turningthephrase