Stuff you have to Google when you’ve been in a weird mood for two days

Cult leaders:
Talk in riddles
Force their followers to stay up late/not sleep
Date/marry people of less intelligence

I’m not saying Taylor Swift who calls herself a sexy baby and releases songs at 2 am and dates a football player is a cult leader but

The folks analyzing every lyric of this album intrigue me. It’s not for me and that’s okay! I like a lot of weird stuff people don’t. Like. Um. Like, Hotel Transylvania 2.

Checking on my Swiftie friends. How ya doin? Ya hanging in there?

I scrolled tiktok for a few minutes the other night and by minute 2 I had a shirt in my cart that said “Thug Life” with a pic of the golden girls, so it’s probably good I stay off there.

You think you can hurt me? Where I’m from we have road signs with cute little tractors on them.

Long drives aren’t good for me. Just pulled up to my destination and I’ve convinced myself I need to get a nose ring, build a greenhouse and start a podcast. Too much thinkin’ time.

We knew when she rolled up into the draft wearing head to toe Prada that girl wasn’t about to be “losing” money.

After hearing all of these stories about these poor kids getting mistreated at Nickelodeon/Disney, etc, I’m gonna propose we go ahead and quit putting children into the industry. Just use dolls or AI or a dog wearing clothes for all I care. It’s messed up to do that to your kid.