Wired ear buds = mittens with strings

This is a good idea. I should do that with my bbq cover too.

Asparagus pee > Beet pee

Received dm of the day

I'm going to need the money up front.

My inner circle just includes me and all the voices in my head.

Better safe than sober

Please watch my latest cartoon,
“The Discarded”

Therapist: So when do you think your anxiety started?

Me:

Hey. You’re funny. I like you. We should be friends and never hang out but send memes

Karen at KFC… or Whiner, whiner, chicken diner.

RIP Edgar Allen Poe. You would have loved noise cancelling headphones.

Therapist: So when do you think your anxiety started?

Me:

If that is your definition of friendship, and I say this with my last shred of kindness, go buy another fucking dictionary.

The Force Awakens *hits snooze*

Am I gonna cry like a little bitch when Éponine is out there all alone on the stage in the spotlight pouring out her broken heart singing “On My Own” when I go see Les Misérables tonight?

Yes. Yes I am.

i tripped over my iphone charger and fell in front of everyone if you even care.

I have plans tonight

(spend an hour finding something to watch, pause at the opening credits, scroll for 3 hrs)

Haters will see you playing hot potato and say you’re against holding things.

Is emotionally nauseous a thing? It’s sounds like it should be a thing. Because I am.

Do you ever just stop in the middle of an argument, and really want to ask Alexa what she thinks?