The trouble with learning how to play the violin is that it's a bit fiddly.

My Dyslexic mate was turned away from the Polling Station today

He took along a photo of Heidi

Rwanda Plan.
Sunak is paying failed asylum seekers thousands in tax payers money, yes your money. Funding their flight and accommodation and is supposed to please voters.
Rishi Sunak just resign, call a general election and let's get it over with.

A great way to improve the taste of iced tea is to heat it up and add milk.

I've never done any sheep worrying, but I once made a lamb stew.

A record number of asylum seekers arrived yesterday, 711, the highest number for one day this year.
Hey Rishi Sunak that Rwanda plan has certainly frightened them!

What do we want?

Time travel

When do we want it?

Doesn't matter.

I asked Billy Bunter if he was pregnant, massive school boy error.

I filed an exclusive news report about the world's most generous ice cream man.
What a massive scoop.

Not a good start to my first day in mine clearance.
Let's just say it took me a while to find my feet.

Pilot whales strand themselves on beaches as they've given up hope of getting a full series.

The worst thing about living next door to MC Hammer is the constant DIY noise, I shouted 'Stop' but if anything it made it worse.

If Bing Crosby was great, imagine how good Google Crosby would have been.

I'm thinking of buying some Stephen King audio books, but I've heard a few horror stories.

Desperation to get one asylum seeker to Rwanda before Thursdays elections at no doubt vast expense to us all, £171,000 per head, They allowed over 1,00,000 legally and sent 1 to Rwanda. Pathetic!

My barber has just been arrested for selling drugs, I've known him for six years and never knew he was a barber.

If I ever find the surgeon who messed up my limb transplants, I'm going to kill him with my bear hands.

I had a really vivid dream that the council was taking back my allotment from me. For a moment I thought I was losing the plot.

It's very difficult to write a reasonable sounding email complaining that the caps lock key on your new computer is broken.

Good morning! I'll start with a daft one.......

My Wife started having a hot flush in Nando's

I think it was the Peri Peri Menopause