ohtani, right? he wasn’t making enough?

i’m tired of people treating the speed limit as if it’s a law. just go the fuck on.

i do not like venison. at least i tried it 😬

if anyone wants to go to a Braves game this year, plz let me know because i’m all for it.

Me: I love learning new things

Me when it’s time to learn new things I’m not instantly good at:

i went to the wrong little caesar’s today, and jesus christ it is a sauna in that place

“if they knew they were right, they wouldn’t wear the fucking hood” - sir ed larson about the kkk 👌🏼

looks like i’ll be wearing a walking boot to court 🙄

deal with the devil or deal with me

i tried whataburger for the first time today and it is a better wendy’s.

now is a good time to say it as any: YOUR HAZARD LIGHTS ARE NOT FOR DRIVING IN RAIN

it’s the greatest feeling to be told that you’re not worth a raise when you run a business

idk who i am but i misread the clock today…

i accidentally hit a link on ONE of those romance novels on facebook and now it’s every other post on my feed

tony romo has a terrible voice and is a bitch