for the first time in over a month i’ve had 3 beers and 3 glasses of wine at home after work adulting has been hard for me

it’s not even 9 and i wanna eat my lunch why am i this way?

for how much i poop i’m really confused why i’m not a skinny legend

i jus found out brenda song and macaulay culkin are together... 🤯

i have a hair appointment tuesday... might fuck around and chop it all off

find the lie

i haven’t stopped thinking about this one time in 8th grade a girl in my class ran up to me, touched my stomach and said ‘oh my god lauren congratulations!’

I will miss her til the end of time.

i have baby fever 👶🏼

you know you’re an adult when you get excited about things like buying a new vacuum 😣😂

i think the funniest part about the conspiracy theory that trump is our ‘ghost president’ is that he’d actually work behind the scenes and not do it for the glory and attention

i told colt i really like the name ‘zelda’ for a girl and he responded ‘hell no i hate that game’ meanwhile my brain was on sabrina...

@ majority of republicans

i’m bringing my boyfriend home... he’s the first man i’ve ever brought home... plz pray for him and our relationship

sorry michigan and ohio were reunited

twitter jus reminded me i’ve been tweeting for 10 years... damn i’m old

2020 had a lot of lows and losses... but i’m forever grateful cause it brought me this fool 🥰

my sweet boyfriend got us flights to michigan for christmas and now that’s all i can think about i’ve mentally checked outta work and we don’t leave for 2 weeks