If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Ironing boards are just surfboards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs

I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in a body that doesn't.

To all the people that always said I'd never amount to anything because of my procrastination…

Just you wait.

So sad to learn of the loss of Samantha Davis. She was a warm & wonderful woman who will be greatly missed.
Sending my condolences & deepest sympathy to Warwick, Annabelle & Harrison. 💔💔💔
#RIP

Because all kindness matters 🐛🦋

Our very own Monique Parent with Stormy Daniels
Must see!

A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray.

'Is this good for wasps?' he asks the assistant.

To which she replies 'No, it kills them.'

To all the people that always said I'd never amount to anything because of my procrastination…

Just you wait.

Queen.
No mercy for Republican traitors.

Hey MAGA, which is the flattest?

Any man can be a king, but it takes 12 inches to be a ruler...

A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray.

'Is this good for wasps?' he asks the assistant.

To which she replies 'No, it kills them.'

I only had Hostess treats with me when I had to force feed a young sheep to eat.

Yep, I had to ram a lamb a ding dong.

I said to my wife, I need to call the doctor today. Which doctor? She asked. Nah, the regular kind.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The F.

A friend in California called me to say there was an earthquake and that she was scared.

I told her it wasnt my fault.

My man😂💀

I dance in front of my John Deere because, I told my therapist, my wife doesn't pay attention to me and he said, 'try doing something sexy to a tractor!'

So I've just been on the weightwatchers website and it asked me if I accept cookies.

Is that a trick question?