BREAKING: Fox News destroys their reputation by telling the truth.

With Donald Trump and Marjorie Taylor Greene getting all the attention, it is important to remember that Ted Cruz is an asshole too.

The way Donald Trump has been falling asleep in court you'd think he was in the Oval Office during a pandemic.

On the one hand, I am enjoying watching the Republican Party destroy itself. On the other hand, I am really fucking enjoying it.

It's no coincidence that the people who know Donald Trump the best hate him the most.

If you invested in Trump Media, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha fuck you.

Clarence Thomas: 'Did you hear that, Ginni? They want me to recuse myself! Like I'm not totally in on it!'

For an alpha male, Donald Trump sure is a whiny self-pitying little thin-skinned sobby bitch baby.

SCENE: A MANHATTAN COURTROOM

Trump lawyer: 'Do you think Donald Trump is above the law?'

Prospective juror: 'No.'

Trump lawyer: 'Your Honor, we reject this juror.'

Donald Trump Jr.: 'Daddy was too busy cheating on mommy to come to my graduation.'

Donald Trump: 'Thanks to radical left Democrats and their illegal witch hunt, I am going to miss the high school graduation of my youngest son *check notes* Barton.'

Considering who your lord and master is, the last thing you should be bringing up is taxes.

Abraham Lincoln: 'We can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract.'

Donald Trump: 'Gettysburg, wow.'

LIFE HACK: If you don't want your presidential nominee to be the defendant in a criminal trial, don't nominate a criminal for president.

DID YOU KNOW: A president can declassify any top secret document simply by snorting Adderall off it.

Marjorie Taylor Greene: 'It's antisemitic to make Israeli aid contingent on funding Ukrainian Nazis.'

Vladimir Putin: 'Good one, Marge. I'll Venmo you.'

Republicans: 'Democrats are against passing laws making it illegal for non-citizens to vote in our elections.'

Democrats: 'That's because it's already illegal.'

Republicans: 'See? They admit it!'

Does cry laughing count?

Someday, Donald Trump is going to be removing his makeup when he accidentally removes his entire face.

Roe v. Wade has been replaced by Republicans v. Women.