Jessie
@mommajessiec
*awkward silence* Mom to four, wife to one. Like I am to most things, I came here late too.
ID:951133063165116418
https://twitter.com/search?q=from%3Amommajessiec%20exclude%3Areplies&s=09 10-01-2018 16:46:08
66,9K Tweets
76,6K Followers
6,0K Following
Simon Holland
@simoncholland
My wife bought low sodium bacon and now I know what it means when someone says they love you but arenโt IN LOVE with you.
Dadman Walking
@dadmann_walking
introvert. Husband. Dad of 3. bourbon fund: Venmo- Shane83 My links! https://t.co/X1R5q5AVST seen in @Buzzfeed @Menshumor @HuffPostParents @cheezbur
Rodney Lacroix
@RodLacroix
Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmKWfK | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/BuhDfbbFkq | Top Tweets: https://t.co/3B9KMSYvlv
Lady Lawya
@Parkerlawyer
divorce lawyer | mom to a bazillion kids | https://t.co/0FDtG6xK4t | please send all dms to @funderlaw | https://t.co/t7dCbYmwgu
Adam
@adamgreattweet
Resident physician as seen on Buzzfeed and TV, RTd by Barack Obama. He/Him
Henpecked Hal
@HenpeckedHal
Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it's possible to have the worst day of your life before 6:00 AM. https://t.co/jv3VQ5CW4O
That Mom Tho
@mom_tho
contributor @scarymommy @romper [email protected] Tweets: https://t.co/5zWeBtUUx6
Real Life Mommy
@reallifemommy3
Twitter is cheaper than therapy. Tweets are mine ๐@huffpost @TODAY_Parents @buzzfeed @babycenter @chicagotribune @boredpanda @thepoke @thechive ...
Lil Bit ๐
@LizerReal
Wife of a guy. Mother to spawns. Sugar glider in my bra. Parenting cautionary tale. (she/her)
Midge
@mxmclain
Relentless architect of my own hell, curator of seasonal profanities, cultural symbol
Uncle Duke
@UncleDuke1969
Does this look infected?
sixfootcandy
@sixfootcandy
Loves animals more than most people. https://t.co/bTlLzDrFl4
Sarcastic Mommy
@sarcasticmommy4
I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids. https://t.co/m6TcvYNqfm
I Hide From My Kids
@IHideFromMyKids
freelance writer | content creator | someone once told me I was funny, for a mom | featured on BuzzFeed, Today Parents, HuffPost & more | Read my tweets๐
NicholasG
@Dad_At_Law
Father of girls, Husband of wife, Coach of kids. Protagonist for the People in court, yet to win an argument at home. *แตสทแตแตแตหข แตสณแต โฟแตแต หกแตแตแตหก แตแตโฑโฟโฑแตโฟหข*
@itssherifield
@itssherifield
Musician mama of 3 treading water and taking names Formerly @Lmemeit IG and TikTok: @itssherifield https://t.co/PEkz5e5DfK
Marcy G
@BunAndLeggings
parenthood is like a box of chocolates... it's expensive
Kevin The Dad
@kevinthedad
Husband. Dad. Co-creator of 2 cool kids. I write fun stories about the shenanigans I experience as a parent!
mom mom mom mom mom
@notmythirdrodeo
https://t.co/lKTwNPcAGY @momsoverhere on IG. Momminโ the best I can with low standards. Featured in @HuffPost, @Buzzfeed, @Today_Parents and more.
your other mom
@difficultpatty
Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw
Andi
@smiles_and_nods
Andi 2.0 Lost everyone during my Twitter sabbatical. please follow again.
Bubba Throckmorton IV
@BubsterT4
Just trying to figure it all out. Term Limits FFS. https://t.co/bCIqSAoKy3
Kat. ๐จ๐ฆ
@katsafrenacus
https://t.co/Vnr5Hf87d0
Purple Lori
@purplelorisays
Oh thatโs nice.
shifty
@makeshiftthrone
27. before you dm me please know Iโm painfully boring โ๏ธโ๏ธ
MommyDearest
@MommyDearest855
Don't you judge me
LorazeKim โข ๎จ๐ดโโ ๏ธ๐บ๐ธ๐ฎ๐น๐
@_KimberleyAnna
Villainous, cantankerous. They call me NightHawk. Iโm everywhere. Iโm nowhere. If I donโt text back itโs โcause Iโm helping Batman, baby #FuckCancer
Disheveled Mom
@wittysnuggles
Not my real name. 40s toddler mom. Unapologetically blunt relationship therapist. Featured on @MSNBC @CNN @FoxNews @SternShow @NYPost
๐ท ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ค ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ท
@good_vibes_girl
๐ spread sheet queen ๐ ๐ซraw dogging (oreos) ๐ฆreptar for life๐ซถ๐ป โthe dick a girl could get overโ
Deb ๐ป ๐ง
@DontCallMeDebby
Vote Blue! ๐ Lover of Nature, Twizzlers. No DMs #100DaysOfWalking #OnMyWalk #ThankYouTG
Lori
@loribuckmajor
Loving wife & mom, fun friend. LOVE to laugh. Oh I'm a model and an actress, isn't everyone? sometimes I lie. I donโt tweet much anymore but RT funny others!!
ะaะผalฮนcฮนoฯ ัโจ
@MamaNeedsXanax
ัaััy wฮนาey+ะผaะผa. overcaาาeฮนnaัed. ฯ nderะผedฮนcaัed. awฤธward+anั ฮนoฯ ั. an ฮนnapproprฮนaัe, ัฮนlly lฮนััle weฮนrdo. nัาw. *ะaะผaNeedัะฅanaั AndWฮนne on ฮนnััa*
โจNฯ Oษณาฝ Hาฝษพาฝ Gาฝฦส Oฯ ฦ Aส ฮนสาฝโจ
@Mrs_L_Olivier
Full-time FeministโฆPart-time Comedy HabituรฉโฆPodcast JunkieโฆGen XโฆWokey Lefty LiberalโฆAtheistโฆPro-Choice +โฆSpecialist RNโฆFan of ellipsesโฆTORIES OUT ๐คกโก๏ธ #NHS
โจCrash Unhinged๐ซ
@Crashonomics
Twitter's Most Overlooked Sweetheart. Lover of music, pretty eyes, thick thighs and pumpkins
Bird Eckler
@Birdeckler
Morsels of joy, mixed with sprinkles of outrage. Results may vary.
Mr. Darcy
@_glizzyborden_
the good witch of the north
Huge Jacknuts
@BreadedMark
Navy Vet. I bowled a 178 once. The quickest way to my heart is Frito Chili Pieโฆ All tips go to veteran causes, meals and events. Iโm @OldPizzaHuts too. Vet Rep.
notacop
@MatchaSmith
I probably banged your dad. My last twitter was better. https://t.co/aCwaMPIN3t
๐๐ฎ๐ง๐ง๐ฒ ๐ฏ
@hailtotheHunny
a collection of subpar tweets & low quality selfies. https://t.co/8pliRvMcqh
๐๐๐๐๐
@JellyStilettos
a stupid girl #GoHalos โพ๏ธ
schadenfreude74
@schadenfreude74
back here again, yeah yeah, I KNOW ๐ฅ โ๏ธ
Stipe
@stipepal
Iโve traveled to all 9 countries. Ruff Ryder 4 lyfe.
๐kristina ๐
@inurnightdress
Alex Turner's favorite mistress/Samuel L Jackson of moms/B's snotty little muse https://t.co/FXGDC5Fus0
๐ฉท ๐ฎ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐ถ๐ธ๐๐๐น ๐๐๐๐๐ถ ๐ฉท
@shortstacktm
Who are the people in your neighborhood? Really, like who are those weirdos ๐ง
Hawkeye
@Hawkeye0110
You people are all nuts...
Coal Slag
@coalslag
...what part of โFlyinโ Monkey,โ you no understand...?
Stout_humor
@HumorStout
Unfunny comedian ๐ | #2 Dad ๐| Pre-Kids Traveler ๐ฉ | Textbook definition Wisenheimer ๐ | Future PowerBall Winner ๐ฐ| Profile pic ๐ than Real me ๐ค
Tori Fletcher
@hellotorifletch
Honestly, if it were โraining menโ Hallelujah wouldnโt be the word that came to mind | Part Antagonist, Part Protagonist | Usually Making Fun of my Husband
๐ชฌ NotjustanotherJohn ๐ชฌ
@bacontacooo
Be someone's light.a ๐ฉต โ๐ฝ/ ๐ https://t.co/N7pf3rs4Ya #HTTC
Gross Ray
@theheywhoha
Bankrupt 1930s glove tycoon. She/Her https://t.co/DIXA6HFjda
Pseudo Cyd
@Cyd10e
In search of logic, wit and amusement wherever it can be found... In other words, just killing time.
Bryan With a Why
@doublewenis
Stuck between wanting to be a better person and not really knowing how to steal someoneโs identity.
Kat
@ollkorrect0
awkward human
Lindy Vogel
@TheLindyVogel
Failed model. Mom of 6. Words: @PregnantChicken @MontereyBayParent @Slackjaw_humor @frazzledhumor. EIC, Sweary Mommy on @Medium.
Jonathan Edward Durham
@thisone0verhere
Writer of Speculative Literary Fiction โข Generalized Anxiety Wunderkind โข Already Sorry โข Sneaker Addict โข๐ฐ๐๐พ Author of โWinterset Hollowโ ๐พ๐๐ฐโข
Meg
@megannn_lynne
writer & mitski enthusiast / also @successtextpost
Tiff
@tiffofthenorth
foodie | friend | wifed โฌ๏ธ | mom to teens | funsies account | Tweets *may* be jokes and *probably* not about you ๐ Not a solution to your boredom ๐
Dan Wilbur
@DanWilbur
My 3rd grade teacher told me I had a 'great way of ruining things for people.' Now I do comedy. My debut album is available now: https://t.co/aA3kYgFcBR
Shreya
@Shreya_teee
Be your own sunshine.. Globetrotter || Reader || Nature lover || ๐ณ๏ธโ๐๐
Jennifer Parker
@Mrs_JParker
Making two tiny humans laugh one fart joke at a time.
Southern Goddess (Dolly Divine)
@Dramafest420
#Findom Queen #FEMDOM #domme #paypigs Southern Beauty โค๏ธ Come worship me & serve my needs. I can only respond to DMs after tribute, my phone won't allow me.
๐ด๐ ๐ด๐๐๐๐๐ ๎จ
@MoMohler
Rated 100% pure, grade A, American โlittle beef boyโ by JD Power And Associates.
superastrofemme
@superastrofemme
cranky on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside
jlestos
@jlestos
decidedly NOT better than Ezra. or kale chips, for that matter. https://t.co/H0TXd97wwQ) !
Bacon, Lettuce & Potato
@DominicCaruso1
I was a snowball in hell. [he/him] I'm now a problem you can throw money at: https://t.co/wV6uDObiYO
erica
@ericanextdooor
making parlays & petting strays โข ๐ฃ๐๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐ค๐๐ฅ๐๐ ๐๐๐ง๐ฉ๐๐ ๐
Mish ๐๏ธ
@Mish_K_
Cape Town. Former makeup artist. Sarcastic. Donโt have an inside voice. Dad jokes. Proud Zionist. ืขื ืืฉืจืื ืื. Wannabe travel blogger. ๐ฟ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฌ๐ท
๐.
@jtothet
๐ of Dad Jokes. Talk nerdy to me. Punnier than most. Old soulโ๏ธDMs
๐บ๐ฆGnome de Guerre, RN๐บ๐ฆ
@Gnome_DeGuerre
I enjoy overthinking and worrying about things over which I have no control. Neil Gaiman retweeted me. Formerly @ryno_san. RN. #Sober ฯฮนฮปฯฮผฮฑฯฯฮฟฯ now on b sky
toddallmyt
@OH_GAWD_OF_FUNK
I don't follow people. I set traps for them and wait. Top Tweets - https://t.co/GMQAZMfoy3