NEWS! 'Smacking never did me any harm' argue parents psychologically compelled to hit their own children buff.ly/3JfrQVb

NEWS! Wailing simpletons feeling bereft after learning that Sydney attacker wasn't an Islamist buff.ly/3Q5idMC

I am laughably unprepared for whatever this is
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NEWS! Doctor Who being played by a gay actor will lead to gay people watching the show, warn ‘anti-woke’ fans buff.ly/4avQhcY

Lots of places touching 19 degress tomorrow. That's practically beer garden weather!
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At this point, we can only assume that Susan Hall is going for the World Record for most Community Notes against a politician in a single campaign?

NEWS! 'The book said IF I did it... IF,' pleads OJ Simpson to Saint Peter after being stopped at the pearly gates buff.ly/3PZ9fQU

'I see... I see a police investigation... concluding that no one broke the law... and lots of angry morons insisting that it's a 'cover-up'... because they're all easily duped simpletons who need better newspapers...'

This fortune-telling malarky is a doddle.

Surfing is just one of the many things I don't do
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NEWS! Government relentlessly chasing down overpayments to unpaid carers gives nonchalant shrug in direction of £200m given to Michelle Mone buff.ly/3VWv9YF

Tories: The Police aren't doing enough to stop REAL crime

Also Tories: Please investigate if this woman filled in a form correctly nine years ago.

NEWS! Poo particles appalled to find themselves living on your manky old toothbrush buff.ly/43VmxU9

Liz Truss has a book out next week, in which she claims to know how to 'save' the West. However, THIS book is a FAR more accurate reflection of her abilities as a politician. For the avoidance of doubt, yes, it's a BLANK notebook

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too soon?

NEWS! Brexiter annoyed by people pointing out that thing they were told 'would happen' is now 'happening' buff.ly/44bkr2V

Go woke, go bro.... oh.

It isn't a shock that Reform UK sacked a parliamentary candidate after he'd already died. It's a shock they didn't promote him for not saying anything stupid recently.

We all live in Marty McFly's dystopian alternate timeline...
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NEWS! HBO Max reboot of Harry Potter to reveal that Dumbledore was actually a TERF the whole time buff.ly/49ryt1a

Are you ready to admit Brexit has been an unmitigated disaster, or are you still clinging to a sunlit-uplands delusion? Take our exclusive interactive test to find out >>> buff.ly/3TRGQ09