said the dude whose head looks like a hairy thumb and forces himself on women because it “feels good”

we should thank whatever god decided that the republican party should be run by literally the stupidest people in the world

I've seen no credible reporting of actual antisemitic incidents at the UT Austin protest. What I can tell you is that I've reported on numerous neo-Nazi events and Greg Abbott never once tried to put any of them in jail.

new hollywood thing called a “nepo spouse” just dropped

As someone who just got a paycheck from a class action suit against the NYPD for unlawful and violent arrests during the George Floyd protests, I’d say to the Columbia students, keep going and keep a record.

thx for the delivery Elon Musk

[making bee movie] haha fuck yeah!! yes!!!
[making pop tart movie] well this sucks. what the fuck

this is “inventing something to get mad at” taken to a whole new level

My four year-old was watching the Trump trial when he turned to be gravely and asked 'Daddy, why is everyone on Trump's legal team making such a terrible face?' And when I told him 'Because Trump just farted,' he started crying.

i see at least two potential problems with your argument, chief
1. you’re doing it wrong
2. the existence of lesbians

There's no Maggie Haberman because Biden isn't a bottomless hole of human need so thoroughly terrified of being alone with his thoughts that he'll dump his entire twisted subconscious to any reporter who'll nod, transcribe and save the most incriminating stuff for a book.

when i think about the election and then i remember that i live in the bluest state in the country

slava Ukraini, motherfucker

If you’re an apologist for this onslaught, you’re a morally depraved, disgusting, twisted person.

There’s no excuses, you’re sick, you’re fundamentally a bad person and you need to spend the rest of your life begging for forgiveness. Hope that’s clear.

…if and only if your name is James Bond

what a gigantic fuckin asshole you are

new oedipus complex guy just dropped

my therapist had me a do a lil exercise and we had to create a scale of 0 to 100 and she needed me to give an example of what 0 would be in terms of feeling no discomfort/anxiety and i said “after doing a whippet” and then she wrote for what seemed like longer than those 4 words

the American healthcare system as it currently exists was designed by the insurance companies to literally shorten your life so you’ll cost them less

Ken Jennings: okay well, you’re in control of the board

all cops are bastards for 2000, Ken