Not sure, but this looks more Farrell than Firth to me

With the UK ambulance strike, and today being the darkest day of the year, it feels like we're living in Final Destination 4.

I used to have dreams.

Now I have Doritos.

🎶 Something inside so strong! 🎶

Kebab shop owner: I told you to avoid those chillis

Some of you are calling yourself British but I haven't seen you complain about the weather once.

Curious...

Christmas is about giving.

But I'm still not giving a fuck.

🎶 Jingle bells
Jingle bells
Jingle bells
Jingle bells
Jingle bells 🎶

I forgot the rest of the words

[buying milk]

Oh no. I'll get the one that expires in 6 days at the back instead of the one that expires in 5 days.

*Uses milk in 2 days*

Me too door. Me too.

Ho ho fuckity ho

Guys, I have a new YouTube channel. It's a desperate attempt to make some $$$ (survival reasons) - Think you could support and subscribe?

youtube.com/watch?v=UzNpXu…

We're all capable of great love

I'll stop a blow job to stroke a dog. IDGAF

I love working from home. It gives me the perfect opportunity to do 17 other things that have nothing to do with my actual job then panic at 4pm and quickly send a bunch of emails

Person: Why are you in a wheelchair?

Me: I wore my Tuesday ‘Day of the week’ underwear on a Thursday.

Going to the dentist with a migraine is a special type of “ughhh”

Half of liking grunge music is understanding what Kurt Cobain is saying

There are two types of people: people who love Mel Brooks and people who have yet to watch anything made by Mel Brooks.

I sent a message in the wrong work chat I'm gonna need the next 3 to 5 days off to obsess over this