Me watching some high fantasy shit: I would simply not be corrupted by the magical object. If it is actively harming you why don’t you just put it down. Idiot
Me receiving psychic damage 23 hours a day from my phone: Ouuughhhh oouuuuwwwwaaaaaa ooaaaaghuuuuuhhhowwgahhhhh guuuuuwah

'fuck it we ball' becomes far more weighty once we account for the pre-existing axiom that is 'ball is life,' for the latter effectively transforms the former into 'fuck it we live.' and what maxim could be more gravely important than that which urges man to persist at all costs?

Her: you better not be car air freshener Sonic the hedgehog.
My unruly yet oddly refreshing ass:

Receiving word about burning man from random twitter users like I'm listening to the war of the worlds broadcast in 1938

girl the strike

basketball’s all like gimme that pumpkin i need it and tennis is all like fuck this lemon you take it

blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin

This the best one

Take to the woods. Send me telepathic vibes. Or find me at your nearest social media experience, where I am labeled pippki, as always

sorry but as a nonbinary person I’ll never feel comfortable using the men’s room or the women’s room; i only feel truly safe in the

I’m almost 50, and here is the best thing I have learned so far: every strange thing you’ve ever been into, every failed hobby or forgotten instrument, everything you have ever learned will come back to you, will serve you when you need it. No love, however brief, is wasted.

'Are you going to wear a mask forever?'
Dude that's not even in the top 1000 things I'm bummed about doing forever. I have to wash my dishes forever. Brush my teeth forever. Do laundry forever. Wearing a respirator forever is nothing.

'I hope this email finds you well.'

how your email finds me:

unfortunately i’m not addicted to the grind i am addicted to the unwind i love chilling and relaxation and overall taking it easy

Beloved mutuals, whom I have carried in my pockets these many long years, will you follow me wherever we go next? Will we find each other again?

do u ever think about how crazy the concept of ocs are??? you literally make up a guy in your head, give him a lot of problems, then rotate them in your mind like rotisserie chicken for a insurmountable amount of time

IT NEVER FEELS GOOD TO LIVE WITHIN AN UNSTOPPABLE BLOOD TURBINE BUT OCCASIONALLY IT DOES INVENT A NEW TYPE OF CORN DOG

Bitch i cant Sleep, im thinking about good omens