Beautiful day

How is it only 10 o’clock and I’m drunk as fuck

What have I been up too? Love my dog

I got an invite to #blueskysocial and so far I like it there. Specially considering it took Twitter 16 days to recover my hacked account.

Gen Z temp told us we are a bad workplace bc we can’t wear yoga pants and hoodies to meet with clients. I sort of agree but am cringing anyway.

People on Twitter telling people to not buy/play Hogwarts Legacy are going to make it the game of the year. I am going to buy it and I don’t game at all bc fuck you, you virtue signaling fascists. Don’t tell me what to do.

My son has a girlfriend. I’m not ready for this. #parenting

venus 🇵🇸 I'm begging self care people to just be normal

My gen-X friends are all living their best lives with kids in college and I’m still sniffing my sons hair to make sure he washed it.

My coworker asked what I miss about smoking. I told her I miss being able to imitate a dragon. She isn’t talking to me now.

My goal for 2023 is to not tolerate the performative feigned outrage Twitter is drowning in. Quit crying fuckers. I’m tired of your inability to function as humans.

I like to go to Costco because I feel like a tiny delicate person with no appetite bc “I couldn’t possible eat all that”.

My parents put me in dance for years saying it would bring lifelong skills. Yet I’ve never had an interview for any accounting firm ask me to demonstrate an arabesque. I find this disappointing.

If they cast Liam Hemsworth as Superman I swear to G-d…. #HenryCavillSuperman

Friends: aren’t you excited about Hanukkah coming up?
Me: No, not really.
Friends: isn’t it a huge deal?! Like Christmas
Me: again… no
Them: 😧

Someone had to say it. I see no lies in his answer tho Dana looked like she swallowed her tongue.

I am 45 years old and just learned TODAY that washing machines have lint traps that should be cleaned every 3 months.

My boss sent out a memo in comic sans.

I hate job hunting.

Started writing a book. Let’s see how it goes. It’s fiction, which is new for me to write but I have a story in my head and it needs to get out.