Where's my 'skip intro' option for your whining!

Comfort is a $1.50 Costco hotdog and a Pepsi.

I am 'watching Billy Joel concert on CBS' years old.

There's no way you are getting pass the goalie line this time.

I hate it when I have to do it myself. My arm hurts and it's still not the way I wanted it. I need a man!

I'm not good at sharpening knives.

You, dumb: Rednecks lol.

Me, sophisticated: Rural denizens indeed.

To know your enemy, you must become your enemy.

No thank you, Monday. I've played your game before.

guy with a good tweet fetish

I like to play this fun game while I clean out the fridge called what is this, how long has it been in here and how do I kill it?

*late for school*

me: how’s it going with getting your shoes on

6yo: don’t ask

Coach: Moose, you can't skate, but you're big - be a goalie!

*plays sleep meditation with affirmations for abundance as I drift off to sleep*

*wakes up and checks bank account*

Me: Well that didn't work.

Whoever is stealing my socks - at least take both of them

Will gladly take seasonal allergies over seasonal depression.

This is the night
It's a beautiful night
And we call it bella notte

Me awake and online at 3am means exactly the opposite of I’m up for a messaging marathon you cheery dumbnut

me: I'm exhausted, going to sleep so hard tonight

my brain at 3am: at the end of It's a Wonderful Life did George return Annie's wedding savings after Sam Wainright made $25,000 available to him?

audrey turns irate
loretta goes into a snit
evelyn becomes vexed
harriet has a fit of pique
dorothy gets slightly miffed

There’s mad and then there’s Dad mad.