Perhaps the worst part of the last two weeks for Kentucky is that previously Kentucky was the only state I associated with a Wealthy Chicken Guy

Rodger Sherman

Remember that if you’re doing a crime, go ahead and text about it! The words will stay on your phone and nobody will ever see it!

The story Kalyn was born to write

Pathetic. Humiliating. Loser behavior from Mars calling this a moon

Have to imagine the one thing that would stop me from signing a life-changing contract with a new school would be the new school’s fanbase demonstrating that they can track me down anywhere to deliver ominous messages

The ideal defensive basketball player would actually record zero blocks because nobody would attempt shots against them

Developing a theory that cooking video people have learned they can boost their numbers by throwing in an absurd pronunciation every once in a while

Rodger Sherman Typical dog tweet: love my teammates god is good!

Horse tweet: keep grindin

Bird tweet: derp

Cat tweet: the enemy speaks kindly & holds a knife

Do you think all the animals which freaked out during the eclipse yesterday are thinking and talking about it today or do they just go straight back to 100% regular animal stuff