why’s it weird that I like to sleep in my car? turtles do it

When I die I want a mirror on my tombstone so baddies can sit down and do their makeup

do you think your cat misses their mom?

work from home? What’s next? Giving birth at home?

walking around LA with a ladder so I can place it in front of people looking up at the eclipse, climb it, then look down at them - and after a few seconds, when their eyes adjust, I’ll say “psych, it’s just me”

We are aware of reports that members of the World Central Kitchen team have been killed in an IDF attack while working to support our humanitarian food delivery efforts in Gaza. This is a tragedy. Humanitarian aid workers and civilians should NEVER be a target. EVER.

whenever I imagine the civil war I imagine men running to different battles like people at Coachella rushing to another stage

Uber should have a student driver option so I can get a discount and they can get their hours

Don’t have dental insurance so when I got my wisdom teeth out they just played Anastasia

The last words of Aaron Bushnell before he set fire to himself outside the Israeli embassy in Washington - Free Palestine.

(Seconds before getting raptured) okay so phone, keys, wallet

BREAKING: Israel is currently intensely bombing Syria, South Lebanon and Palestine, targeting numerous civilian areas.

Bombing 3 different countries at the same time is not victim behavior. It is terrorism.

Orthodontists should drill a big hole in the back of your retainer so you can loop one of these things thru. You’d never lose it!

on my tombstone put “heaven gained a weird one”

Going to pioneer stick & poke piercings. I just keep jabbing the same spot with a needle till it goes thru

Hey can you pour me a glass of helicopter oil I’m about to roll up some Grüner Garten