Happy Birthday Joe Biden! the 45th president of the United States!

there's only one way to split hairs: with a wirecutter!

music is empty calories!

Harness the power of twitter user's hivemind! This way, the Zerg can be successful in taking over Terra!

Transitions in to transmissions make a mission a dissin', ornate sauces and computational mathematics are no way to beg on the street. BUSTA RYHMES IS A LICKER OF SALTS AND A SPINACH DIP KISSER!

An onion, a policeman, a barber, a goat, a hockey player, a man observing Ramadan, Joe Quimby, all walk in to a bar together and order beers. The bartender asks, what can I get you all?

The most intimidating man in the world is a small man inside your head who constantly bosses you around. STOP BULLYING YOURSELVES!

I'm annoying AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Fun isn't fun without fun fun fun

Donald Trump and Joe Biden have one thing in common, they both eat donuts and drink beer, occasionally they hike and remember the good ol' days!

the rule to a happy life is this: do the opposite of everyone in the entire world so you can feel really really really really really really really smug!

If you ate today, what's the complaint? You could've not ate and had wasted space in your belly; EAT AN EAT!

Why are you browsing this twitter account? Feeling stupid already? I bet! I take people's brain cells for a living over the internet and make fun lamps out of them!

a balloon filled with gas is bound to fart one day!

If you're thinking of a question to ask, you already know the answer STUPID! You had to think of it in the first place!

How many deranged twitter users does it take to produce raw anger bullion? about five!

How many engineers does it take to build a bridge? I really want to know! (that's the joke please laugh thank you)

Don't think about pooping, just get up and do the deed!

If you're on a sandy beach, remember to clap your hands! This way, the sand falls OFF your hands! ha!

What you ask? Yes!