I’m making orange chicken today. It’s amazingly delicious.
If you’re coming over, prepare to be fucking dazzled.

OMG
It felt soooo good! I was soaking wet, hot all over, my whole body slippery and don’t get me started on that satisfied feeling afterwards…

…. You truly value a hot shower so much more, if you’ve been deprived of it for ten days 🥰

None of us are getting out of here alive

‘Dropping it like you’re hot’ is a lesson in humility post 45

I’m just gonna start drinking a gallon of water everyday so I’ll be too busy peeing to be bothered by any bullshit.

I hope a little something wonderful finds you today

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor's house that no one likes.

JUST IN: Massive half-mile wide tornado reported in several counties in Nebraska, knocking over a semi-truck.

Western Omaha residents are being told to seek shelter now as the tornado is moving towards Elkhorn.

Multiple toronados have been reported in the Lincoln area with…

Are we living in a simulation? We are closer to the answer than ever before. Melvin Vopson, a physicist from University of Portsmouth found scientific evidence that supports this theory. He discovered that entropy naturally decreases over time in information systems, contrary to…

If I am giving myself to you wrapped in a bow be gentle

I got those window stickers your mom wanted.

My bestie said the more fucks you get the less fucks you give and that’s my new mantra.

Instead of obedience school, I sent my dog to med school so he could learn to heel himself.

By this logic, if a man shows up to the emergency department with testicular torsion or a penile injury, we don’t need to treat expeditiously. Who cares if he loses them, they’re just organs

Let me just butt in here as an obstetrician and say if we’re at the point of hysterectomy to treat a pregnancy complication, the patient is at high risk of dying. It is a Hail Mary

Now we wait and watch SCOTUS pretend to wrestle with something even a 6 year old knows.

Actions have consequences.

You’re welcome 🍍

Georgia baptist youth pastor, Christopher Codding, has pled guilty to raping two 10 year old boys who attended his church.

“He is one of the most sophisticated predators I have encountered in my career so far,” said Floyd County Assistant District Attorney Emily Johnson.

The lady in the next stall is taking a massive dump I mean Christ almighty even my pants fit looser.