Right. I’m having an operation on my eye. In about 14 minutes. Still time to bottle it. Send your happy 3D thoughts my way please. While a skull and crossbones eyepatch has a certain charm, particularly in Court, I nevertheless politely decline.

I saw a wind turbine going really fast today. Like, really fast. You could barely see the blades as they blurred into one!

Really liked it. Massive fan.

While cleaning the bathroom, I moved this toilet roll holder into the landing and immediately thought of Going For Gold.

“Ingrid, the category is flags - select!”

Probably only 1990s school skivers will appreciate this. And hopefully they are now singing the theme tune!

Yet another lovely dog walk spoiled by stuff like this. Honestly, I’m sick of being told what to do all the time. I don’t even like Angus.

PEOPLE IN FILMS. Do not be happy. You are inevitably about to die.

I am at a hospital waiting to be seen for my ankle. Man just been turned away by reception because his appointment is actually not today, it’s 13th March next YEAR.

Imagine 😩

“You’ve lost weight. Your face isn’t as big as it was”

Thanks Mum!

#mothersday2024

Ok so how many forward rolls have people done today? I’ll be honest, I didn’t do any. Just not in the mood for them. Wasn’t feeling it.

In a new low, CPS staff at one of the London Crown Courts have sent an email to all prosecuting counsel appearing there this morning asking whether anyone can take on a RASSO trial *starting at 1030*.

Imagine being the complainant or defendant in that trial.

Uncharacteristically serious tweet:

Please send examples of RASSO horror stories/problems/issues/unfairness/etc to [email protected]

I will personally never apply to prosecute RASSO cases in the current system. I will simply give the job up before I volunteer for that life.

This is acute sign

Ok, there’s a *chance* my dog might be a psychopath

Roses are chocolates
The shop round our way
Ran out of All Gold
Got you Milk Tray

This doesn’t get said enough. But, basically, fuck caving.

Last night I dreamed that Whitney Houston, while driving a tractor, killed my sister. At the same time, I got an in-dream notification that my house was being burgled. People go on about eating cheese before bed but that’s bollocks because last night it was Thai.

So hang on, “we’re shit but what if they’re MORE shit?”

Holly Valance’s husband is called Nick Candy and that is basically like being called Steal Sweets and so I’m surprised she hasn’t been associated with controversy far earlier than now

Just thinking about what I remember from school:

Maths - Pi
Geography - ox bow lakes
Chemistry - bunsen burners
Physics - van der graaf generators
Latin - Caecilius est in horto
English - looking up what Shakespeare meant at the back of the book

That’s pretty much it tbh

I suspect I am safe from this

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