It's Jonny's day fr

The person who called it wallpaper was just done with naming things.

worth mentioning that if you buy normal spaghetti you can make your own alphabet and spell out any word you like

Me: I'm so fucken lonely

Store Manager: Sir, only employees are allowed to use the PA system

I started going bald the day my barber passed away. It was as if my hair died of a broken heart

forget walking over hot coals, have you ever tried walking over lego?

It’s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.

What’s it called when your passive aggressive is so passive that you don’t even realize when you’re acting aggressive?

I’m that

So, long story short....fuck everything.

most people are the problem

“it’ll be a quick nap” i lie to myself as i fall asleep on the couch for hours

I judge people by their ability to sing TV show themes from memory.

[with the rage of a thousand demons] GO FISH

I wish I was excited about anything as Annie Lennox sounds like she is about walking on broken glass

Not to victim blame, but if you can’t differentiate your grandma from a wolf…I…I don’t know, man.

‘Have A Cigar’ by Pink Floyd is my favourite song about peer pressure

struggling to convince my dog that the most fun thing we could do over the weekend is sleep in

[driving] my tires are rotating pretty well why do i need a mechanic.

*Serving KFC at a dinner party, but using the good buckets*

A hedgehog is just a punk rock hamster